I have stalled and stalled on writing another blog- partly a lack of time, but more because I have not felt that I could really present a positive view. I finally decided that I should just write anyway, because this is reality, and if you are building your own homestead then you know how hard it is, and if you are just reading to follow along, then you need to know the day to day truth about choosing this life.

I am tired. I am overwhelmed. I am 32 weeks pregnant. I am tired of living in a travel trailer (five months now). It snowed today in between rain. Winter is coming and we are not ready. We were able to get the siding done, and we installed the chimney pipe and have a working wood stove. The septic was completed and the well line run to the house. We are now working on installing the main components of the solar system and building a housing/frame for the solar panels. I would love to say that once that is done we will have power, but there is still so much more. We have to wire the outlets upstairs and install lights. Downstairs we have to finish the plumbing so we can test the water lines, put up the rest of the drywall, then wire the outlets and lights downstairs. Then,we can turn on the power. Then we can begin to think about what needs to be done to finish the bathroom, and buy a refrigerator. After all of that, we will need to find the time to chop more wood, cover the new septic with insulating hay, and button things up for snowfall.

I keep thinking about my last post and how I was trying so hard to be optimistic. That really is my nature. Perhaps it is the pregnancy that has robbed that from me, or the 18 months that it has been since having a home to relax in. I am not afraid of what the future holds, I know that as is the case and has always been the case, that Dave and I will persevere. I know that we will make the best out of a tough situation. I am just tired. Every day seems like it has too many tasks for me to accomplish and still somehow take care of myself, my husband, and the kids. I feel bad that I cannot sit on the floor and play with the boys. I miss reading stories to them every night before bed. I long for the day when we do not have to ration water, ration power, and ration our time. I want to lounge about in my pajamas all day on my day off and bake cookies with the boys. I want to think about tomorrow with enjoyment and look forward to the time to spend with my family, instead of dreading the list of things that needs to get done before I go back to work. It feels overwhelming to know how much still needs to be done. It feels overwhelming to look down at my growing belly and know that we are not ready for this new life. It feels overwhelming to go into the house and look around and see all of the things that need to be done.

I pray every day that God will shine his light down on our little family and help us to see the way ahead. I pray that he will pave the way for us to get done what we need to get done. I pray that he will help us to feel calm and peaceful in the face of adversity. I pray that he will help us see the blessings in the things that most people take for granted- water, electricity, leisure time, carpet, washing machines, and so much more! I pray that he will help us to find our way in this crazy adventure and in the stillness of the night (the only time we have any stillness!) that he will help us to hear his voice whispering to us that what we are doing is good, and right, and that it will bring our family closer together and closer to him. I pray that he will remind us over and over again that just as we are building our house from foundation to roof, that he is doing this for us and so much more!

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