All my husband and I have always wanted was to own property and build our own house. Over time, the dream morphed a bit and landed us here in Northern Minnesota.  We have been building our homestead for over two years now and could write a book about all of the many things that were different and much harder than we ever envisioned. The one thing that has been the toughest on me has been the lonliness and isolation.  There are five of us in a tiny home- it seems like we are never really ‘alone’ but it is absolutely astonishing how lonely I still feel while surrounded by the noise and madness of three small children.  I really do feel that God has a purpose for us here. I pray often for him to reveal that purpose to us.  Sometimes I wonder if he wanted the isolation for us, so that we would turn to him and seek him out in all that we do. But it is hard to seek God in the bathroom, while changing yet another poopy diaper, or in the kitchen, doing the millionth load of dishes, or in the dark of night when  the kids are in bed and I hang my head in exhaustion. There are so many things about this life that are hard… Super hard.  It is made even harder by the lack of community. There is no one for us to talk to, or have over for dinner. There is definitely no one to watch the kids so we can go on a proper date.  I want to be happy here.  I want to embrace our life and all the blessings that we have.  What will the kids think about this life? Will they need more of a social life than we can provide? Will they be happy?

I read a quote today from one of my many books that basically said not to cry over things that cannot cry back. I do not want to whine, or cry, or moan and groan about our life here.  I want to be positive and uplifting. Today, though, I am just lonely and a little sad. I miss family and friends, fellowship and community. I think often about my grandparents, living on their farm in Iowa.  They never went on vacation, rarely had company, and I do not know how much of a local support system that they had. I do not know if I want to live that way. I wish she were here still so that I could ask her how she combated the lonliness.  I think it would be less challenging if it were not for the three little ones. We have stretches of days upon days where we talk to no one but each other and three kids under five. Life is exponentially easier than it was before. We no longer live in a tent, or without running water and electricity. It is my hope and prayer that this coming year will be a time when things not only settle down a bit for us, but allow us the opportunity to start putting down roots and establishing a church family. In the meantime, I will continue to pray about God’s will for us here, and hope that he will send people to us that can become a soure of fellowship and friendship.

Advertisements