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Making New Memories

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My last post probably seemed a little bit on the negative side of things.  In typical Megan fashion, I have to follow-up with a brighter message, because, thank goodness, that is how my heart works!  I had a wonderful thought tonight while laying in the pop-up hunting blind tent in the boys’ room.  We were up there telling stories by fake candlelight and I just felt super happy and warm in my tummy.  We had roasted hot dogs and marshmallows on the woodstove, gone out for a night hike, and were now getting settled in for a camping adventure in their bedroom.   A few days prior, I had been having severe doubts about our life, our isolation, and whether it was good for us, the kids, etc.  As I sat in between the kiddos, telling camping stories, I realized that we were making memories.  SO much of who I have become was shaped by the memories that my parents made with us.  We camped, we hiked, we had adventure upon adventure, we were read to, and sung to, and loved beyond belief.  It does not really matter where we grew up or what our experiences were, because we were loved, we were surrounded by people that wanted what was best for us, and we had parents that believed in making memories.  I am certain that it was not as fun and exciting for my parents as it seemed for us.  I have so much more respect for my parents now, as we attempt to make these memories for our own kiddos.  It is hard work, and not always very gratifying.  I questioned my sanity at 10:45pm when the kids were still squirreling around in their tent whispering to each other.  But I know that no matter what happens, no matter where we are, or what we are doing, we will be making memories with our kids, and they will be memories that help shape the people that they will become.

 

 

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Sleep is Hard to Come By

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Well,  I decided to take a break from the rocking chair…..  So tonight I am sitting on the couch listening to the little man yelling from his bedroom.   It is now two hours after he went to bed….. Every night, two hours after he goes to bed, he wakes up and cries for me.  Then he does it again, and again, and again, all night long.  I am really quite flattered that he wants to be with me, but not every two hours all night long.  This kid thing is so incredibly difficult in so many ways that I never imagined.  I never imagined that I would have to sit and battle with myself about whether or not I should go to him….  I never imagined I would feel this crazy pull in my heart that makes me want to run to him and make it all better…..  The longer he cries, the more I cry inside, but sleep.must.come….  I feel like a shadow of my former self.  I want to wake up and feel glad that the day is beginning instead of dread that another day is upon me so soon.  I love this little being more than I can even describe, but he makes me see all the things in me that I do not like.  This really is a reflection for the rocking chair, but tonight I will have to be content to sit in the light and think these thoughts.  They seem safer somehow in the dark, holding him….

Rocking Chair Thoughts…..

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I have put in some serious miles in the rocking chair in the last seven months since our son was born….. That means entirely too much time to sit in the dark and think about all of the things that I want for myself, my husband, my son, and my life in general. At the beginning of this list is the basis for this blog….. I want the good life…. I don’t mean just ANY good life either. I want the good life that Scott and Helen Nearing made…. You know, the one with stone houses, gardens, self-sustainability, a FUTURE….. This is something that I have always wanted. I remember being maybe seven or eight and declaring to my mother that there were two things that I wanted in life: a cabin in the mountains, and a whole room full of books (my parents were both librarians). I still want that. Having our first child makes me want that even more. I want to give him the gift of understanding where his food comes from, how to build his own house, and how to navigate his way in this world of too much technology, not enough values, and not enough self-sufficiency.

I always imagined that it would be easier to get- this good life. But I am learning that it is something that is going to be achieved little by little, step by painful step. So here is this blog, a written journey of our adventures to find this life. Right now, the good life means living in our little house in the city, producing as many of our own fruits and vegetables as we can, picking blueberries and cranberries in the woods, trying to learn more skills to sustain us in times of hardship, and planning for a time when we can do all of these things on our own land, away from the hustle and bustle……

I will try to share with you our adventures, the things we have learned along the way, and save you from some of the lessons that we had to learn the hard way!

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